He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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