so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
