They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
