I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
