mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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