Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
