take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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