My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
