Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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