We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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