my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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