My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
