I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
