I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
