You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
