I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
