I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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