Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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