If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
