I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
