My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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