I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
