11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
