Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
