It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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