We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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