omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
