NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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