I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
