Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
