Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
