i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
