you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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