yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
