wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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