Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
