I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
