end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
