Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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