yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
