you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
