Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
