At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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