Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
smell my finger.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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