I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
