I need to stop coming to work sober
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
