Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
