Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My ass is underappreciated
Floor bacon is actually really good
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
