I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
