Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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