For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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