Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
