WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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