the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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