She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
