that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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