I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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