All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
