I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
