You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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