I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
