The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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