ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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