You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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