I accidentally had phone sex last night
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I want to have your abortion
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
