Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize