can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I could make wine with my vomit
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize