if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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