Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
