Having a random hookup so left but love u
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize