Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
