Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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